I had it planned out exactly how it should be. (In hindsight, there is very heavy emphasis on the "should be" part.) You should have your career picked out when your a Freshman, take classes for it while juggling a social life, boyfriend, family, etc.
I knew in junior high that high school would be my thing, it would rock, be perfect, and satisfy me, and when I mention "satisfy," I'm talking about feeling great. Feeling totally satisfied. Content. Peaceful. Joyful. Full. Just totally satisfied.
But high school didn't satisfy. I couldn't pick a career at fifteen years old. I couldn't get straight A's. I couldn't get that perfect boyfriend. And family life is just never "perfect." So with that crushing unsatisfaction on my heart, I turned to boys that did not treat me well. When the boys didn't satisfy me, I turned to drinking. when drinking didn't satisfy me, I turned to doing drugs. And when drugs didn't satisfy me, I turned to doing all of it. But, that didn't satisfy me either.
However, I found Jesus. I was at McDonald's on my way to a party and this guy a few years older than me was there. He started talking to me and asked me what my plans were for that night. When I told him about the party he said, "Ohhh... Wow. Is that really where you want to be if Jesus comes back tonight?" And I'm sure you can imagine the reply I had for him.
I still went to the party, but I didn't drink, or sleep with someone, or smoke. Instead I thought hard about what he said. Then I made the decision to let Jesus love me and to start following Him.
He met me where I was and taught me that only in Him may I find satisfaction. And let me tell you, honestly, that is a lesson I am still learning two years later. I thought, graduating high school would bring me satisfaction, but it didn't. I thought getting my first real job would give me satifaction, but it didn't. I thought moving to Thailand would bring me satisfaction, but it doesn't.
Don't get me wrong, Thailand is wonderful and I really truly love it. I absolutely do. However, just being in Thailand doesn't give me satisfaction. It's just a country. It's God that supplies the satisfaction. Because in reality, things just can't satisfy you. Moving can't, a job can't, experiences can't, and graduating can't. Only God can. And that, my dear friends, is the biggest thing I have learned in Thailand. God has and is giving me satisfaction. He's showing me once and for all that he alone is the one and only person who can fully satisfy me.
He's the only one who loves me fully and radically.
Who wants so much for me.
Who knows how many hairs are on my head.
Who leads me to green pastures.
Who fills my cup to overflowing.
Who is my shepherd.
Who has knit me together in my mother's womb.
Had me written in the book of life before the foundation of the world.
Who fills my head with truth.
Who pulled me out of the pit and set my feet upon the rock.
Who leads me beside still waters.
And so, so much more.
God is so good. So, so good.
So, whenever the world tells us that earthly things will satisfy us, like high school, boys, drinking, drugs, a car, house, moving, whatever; Let us always remember that it is God alone who is the satisfier of our souls. Praise be to God.
"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." (Isaiah 58:11)
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